Choosing a School and Friends for your Child – ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan

AUTHOR: ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan
SOURCE: Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 65-68)
PRODUCED BY: Al-Ibaanah.com

[From an upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]

5. Choosing a School:

The father should strive to carefully choose a good school for his child, thus selecting the one that is of the finest quality and not necessarily the one that is closest to him. He should also ask those involved in the field of teaching and educating, who are sincere and honest, as to which of the schools is the best.

School has a deep impact on a student since it is there that he spends a quarter of his day – which is in fact the best time of the day. In the school he learns and is educated, and that is the place where he finds friends and companions.

So based on this, the father must keep a close connection with the school by going to visit it, staying in contact with it by phone and asking about the state of his son or daughter. He should be concerned with asking about his child’s character, behavior and friends before asking about his grades.

He should also follow up on his child’s educational development and studies, and check his notes and homework and be aware of the remarks the teacher makes to his child’s work so that he may correct it.

So your concern with your child’s studies and your solid relationship with his school, his teachers, his schoolwork, and his levels of education is a good that will assist in his well-being and learning, by the will of Allaah.

6. Choosing a Friend:

From the things in which there is no doubt is that a friend has a profound effect on an individual – whether positive or negative. Sufficient to clarify this point is the statement of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when he said: “The example of the righteous companion and the evil companion is like that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said: “A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look into whom he takes as a close friend.” [Reported by Abu Dawood]

Therefore, O father, it is incumbent upon you to look for a good friend and a sincere companion for your child before he chooses one on his own, for he may choose the wrong ones and then grow attached to them, after which it will be hard for you to separate them.

There are many accounts, too numerous to be recorded, in which children were raised in good environments and in conservative households but ended up mixing with bad companions on the pretext that they were going on a trip or an outing with them or using the excuse that they wanted to play with them or have fun with them or study with them. And the end result of this was that they had a negative effect on them.

In these days it is extremely difficult for a father to raise his child in exclusion of friends. Trials and temptations constantly surround the youth from all directions.

Bad friends can either be people who are engulfed in their desires or in misconceptions. If they are those who are given into whims and desires, they will lead your child towards mischief and a digression from good character. As for those who follow misconceptions, they will lead your child towards innovations and opposing the guidance of the pious predecessors (Salaf as-Saalih). Perhaps he may even fall into the acts of declaring Muslims disbelievers and innovators. This particularly applies to the members of those methodologies that are foreign to this country (i.e. Saudi Arabia), as has occurred to some of our youth, may Allaah guide them and return them back to the truth.

In conclusion, I ask Allaah to rectify for all of us our intentions and offspring, and that He forgive our parents, granting them the best of rewards on our behalf. I ask Allaah to assist us in being dutiful to them during their lives as well as after their deaths.

I also ask Allaah to aid us in raising our children upon the Qur’aan and the Sunnah and to make them righteous offspring and an enjoyment to our eyes in this life by, through their uprightness, and after death, through their righteous deeds.

May the peace and praises of Allaah be upon our prophet Muhammad.

Published on: February 27, 2007

Breastfeeding One’s Child – ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan

[From the Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]

10. Breastfeeding:

Afterward, the mother should focus on breastfeeding the newborn child until the age of weaning.

Natural milk from the mother has a huge effect in the health and upbringing of a child.Allah instructs the mothers to breastfeed their children for two complete years.This is for those wish to complete the period of breastfeeding. Allah says:

وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ ۖ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ ۚوَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚلَا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ لَّهُ بِوَلَدِهِ ۚ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَ‌ٰلِكَ ۗ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَن تَرَاضٍ مِّنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا ۗ وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمْ أَن تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُم مَّا آتَيْتُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۗوَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ

“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling.”

[Surah Al-Baqarah: 233]

The reason for this is because the infant senses the affection of the mother while breastfeeding and he is in need of that.

Modern medicine has confirmed that there is a high percentage rate of disease and death for those children that were fed in their infancy with processed milk. Natural milk is also advantageous to the mother’s health in terms of mending the uterus after delivery and her digestive system.

Islam also encourages it for it permits the breastfeeding mother to break her fast in Ramadhan if the fast will have an effect on her breastfeeding.

Perhaps one of the reasons why many children are not affectionately attached to their mothers and why there is such widespread disobedience of them in these times is due to the lack of using natural milk and the high use of processed milk.

Since breastfeeding has such an effect on the child being breastfed, the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) prohibited Muslims from employing a dumb woman for the purposing of breastfeeding one’s child.

Ibn Qaasim, may Allah have mercy on him, said in Haashiyat-ur-Rawd commenting on this hadeeth: “This is since breastfeeding has an effect on an individual’s nature.”Then he said: “Al-Qaadee mentioned that whoever is breastfed from a stupid woman, the child too will come out being stupid. And whoever is breastfed from a woman with bad manners, it will pass onto him. And whoever is breastfed from an animal, he will come out senseless, like an animal.”

Ibn Qudaamah, may Allah have mercy on him, said in al-Mughnee: “It is said:‘Breastfeeding changes personalities.’

So how much more so for those who are fed formula milk which one does not even know the source from where it came or who processed it?

By ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan

Source: Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 33-34)