The Wisdom of Marriage & The Fallacy of Dating : Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al-Hilali

Taken from his book ‘The rulings of al-Khula’ in Islaam’ pg. 36-38.

The great scholar and daa’ee, Dr. Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al-Hilali[1] said, “….And in the Sunan of Ibn Majah the prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) stated, “From the things that makes a man happy is a righteous wife whom whenever he looks at her she pleases him, whenever he commands her she obeys him, and whenever he is absent she is faithful with herself and his wealth.” Hadeeth hasan (hadeeth no. 1857).

So look – may Allaah have mercy on you – at this hadeeth which illustrates therein a very high wisdom from the lips of the one who has been given concise, eloquent speech that contains much profound meaning. For indeed herein he summed up the conditions for a happy martial life:

1. The first one is that the woman is attractive in the eyes of the husband
2. She willingly fulfills his requests and does what he wants; and this is the sign of true love
3. He trusts her and she trusts him. Hence if he is absent for a long or short period, he will be rest assured that she will safeguard her honor and integrity, and ensure that his wealth is not wasted

Without these conditions neither of the spouses can ever be happy. And the Europeans have claimed to have attained the pinnacle of marital bliss because they allow the fiancé to interact with his fiancée before the marriage in a manner that is very disturbing. It is quite possible for this relationship to continue like this for years whereby they are ‘still getting to know each other,’ to get to learn the other person’s behavioral traits and personality so that they can be more compatible with each other in order to make the relationship more lasting. They know however that this is a big farce. Because neither of the spouses trust the other – as far as being faithful to each other, or being honest with their money. Because the husband cannot tell his wife to do anything because obedience is not an obligation for them. Hence they are like two business or trade partners. And this illustrates the fallacy of the stipulation which is that they must ‘be in love’ first.

As for the argument that supports unrestricted interaction before the marriage contract, (this is also a fallacy) because they do not really get to know the true character of the other companion because each of them ‘puts on an act’ for the other, and feign signs of adulation for fear that the engagement will be called off. And almost none of them reveals his/her true character until they get married. And there are many incidents like this that proves this to be true. For indeed this happened in Germany in the city of Bonn wherein a man who was engaged to his fiancée for 20 years, and they lived together as a man would live with his wife. However when they married the marriage did not last but one year; all of it being disagreements, bickering, and argumentation, eventually ending in divorce.”

Taken from his book ‘The rulings of al-Khula’ in Islaam’ pg. 36-38.

Foot Notes:

[1] He is a descendant of the Prophet’s grandson Husain (radiallaahu anhu). He was born in Morocco in 1311 (1893) and he died 1408 (1997). He is well known for his translation of the meanings of the interpretation of the Noble Qur’an and Sahih Al-Bukhari.

Shaykh Hammaad al-Ansaaree said about him, “In reality I have met anyone who has more knowledge in so many various subjects other than Dr. al-Hilali. Forty five years have passed and I have never seen anyone like him. He was fluent in languages such as Hebrew, German, English, Spanish, in addition to being a scholar in Arabic. He is my shaykh for I benefit from him greatly. He was salafi in his aqeedah, and if you read his book about at-Tawheed you would know that no one knows at-Tawheed in the Qur’an like him.”